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  • Julien Demaret

Am I Doing The Right Thing ?

I Just Left Everything Again to Learn Capoeira in Brazil


That's a photo of myself taken in Muzenza Capoeira Curitiba school

Oops, I did it again…

I’m writing from Curitiba, Brazil, where I just arrived 3 days ago. It’s been more than 3 years now that I have left France and my old life to live an extraordinary and meaningful life. It was the only I found to durably stop drinking alcohol I had been overconsuming for half of my life. The bright side This sounds great when I write it or I tell it to people. I am traveling the world and going to a place to learn a particular practice, then when I feel comfortable, it’s time for me to step into the unknown again and learn something new, somewhere new. It looks like I can’t stay in the comfort of the known. I always want to step into the unknown, and my way of doing it is quite radical. So I have been learning Muay Thai in Thailand, Yoga in India, and now Capoeira in Brazil. That’s meaningful to me. That’s the bright side of it. The other side But there is another side, that is not so bright. The renunciation part is the one that I am not talking much about. You see, only a bit more than 2 months ago I was in Thailand with my then-girlfriend. And I left her to be able to step into the unknown again, wanting to stay alone and be free to experience fully my incoming Brazil adventure. The separation at the airport was heartbreaking. It felt like I was abandoning her. Intellectually speaking I know it is not the case. Everyone is in charge of their own self, this is what I believe at least. So as long as things are clear and done with respect, there is not much trouble. But emotionality is another dimension. It felt like abandonment. The Unexpected Then I landed in France as a transition before Brazil to say hello to my family and friends. With absolutely no intention of meeting someone, something happened there that was not written on my plan. I met an amazing french woman. From the very first minute I met her, I felt a connection. It was fluid. I was intrigued. I wanted to know more about her. I tried to resist and claimed I had only the present to give and I was leaving to Brazil and I was just coming out of another relationship in Thailand. I tried to control it with my mind, “that’s not a reasonable thing to do, you are leaving for Brazil soon ”. “You want freedom, love is going to prevent you from being free”. And finally, my heart spoke: “Cut the sh*t man, you are in love, accept it and live it.” So I lived with her for one month. That time was amazing. I allowed my heart to feel again. I accepted love and the suffering that may come with it because they are inseparable. She understood, accepted, and encouraged me to pursue my dreams and come to Brazil to practice Capoeira at the roots of its creation. A Step into the unknown, again… And that’s what I did. I left her 3 days ago. I’m back into the unknown again. Outside of the comfort zone. And I forgot how it was. It is uncomfortable. But it’s the whole point of it! A lot of emotions are mixed right now in me, I can’t even really dissociate and identify all of them. A lot of questions are rising : Why did you leave again? Can’t you stay in the comfort of the known for some time? Why do you always challenge yourself? Why can’t you settle somewhere? Is this relationship you have going to resist your trip? Why can’t you just go learn capoeira in France, there are schools there too! You don’t even speak Portuguese! And then I step into the room where I practice Capoeira with my private teacher, and suddenly the world stops, I feel at the right moment, at the right place, being the right person, doing the right thing. It’s all about the meaning. Meaning is what was lacking in my old life and this led me to alcoholism and depression. As long as I have meaning, I can live my life purposefully, through hardship. This situation is emotionally challenging, but I’m here for good reasons. And I am supported by the ones I love because they also know the meaning behind all this. I don’t know where I am going, But as long as I am going there with meaning, I’ll be alright. Every day is an opportunity to grow, and I’m happy to take it because I believe this is the way I can be fulfilled. And who knows, I might even inspire others to grow as well, and extend their comfort zone. Only with me being fulfilled, I can add value to my relationships and the ones I love. Even if it means accepting to be alone for some time. A message to you Today I am walking alone in Brazil, but you are with me with every step I take. The future cannot be promised. Only liars can promise it. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know I am the one creating mine. I’m alone on the road of my life, but I hope your road will continue to cross mine for long times to come.

 

I’m sharing my life experience with you in the hope that It will add value to your life and inspire you to grow. You can subscribe to my mailing list to receive more content. Quotations and claims are derived from my experience unless specified otherwise. My views and opinions on topics are not intended to replace yours but are offered to broaden your perspective of life.

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