• Julien Demaret

What Others Think About Me Is Not My Problem

It is theirs.

Photo by Dave Goudreau on Unsplash I walk barefoot, I have tattoos, I do not use underwear, I do not use shower gel or shampoo, I eat once a day and prioritize fats over carbs, I don’t have a regular job, I don’t own anything in the physical world except my small backpack which I’m traveling with, and I’m happy this way. I dare to be myself because I don’t care anymore about what others may think of me. How? Because I understood four main things. I do not try to please others anymore. I used to do a lot of things to please others. I used to pretend to be this or that, loving or doing this or that, only to please others because I wanted people to love me. In fact, it always comes down to the same thing. This thing that I consider being a cause of many behaviors I had in my life previously, I was not loving myself. I was in lack of self-love and self-esteem. If you are familiar with my writing, you know it is a subject I love writing about. I wrote about the impact self-love has on relationships and its connection with egoism and altruism. As a consequence, I was trying to get love from others because I couldn’t provide it for myself. That is why others’ opinion was so important to me. I couldn’t risk doing something that will make me lose others’ approbation. I needed it to fill my lack of self-appreciation. I was living through other people's eyes, I was dependent on their judgment. If they were appreciating me, I was feeling worthy of love, and if they were disliking me, I was feeling unworthy of love. This is now over, I have built up my self-love, and I can provide it for myself. I do not need others to tell me if I’m worthy or not. I am being myself, and that’s enough. I am enough. I’d rather be hated for what I am than loved for what I am not. The second thing is, even if I do not give a lot of importance to being loved by others, I also understood that whatever I do, there will always be people to like me, and others to dislike me. I can pretend hard to be someone I’m not, and still, people will not like the person I am pretending to be. So I might as well be the person I want to be, do what I want to do. If people love me for what I truly am, it’s wonderful, if not, it’s wonderful too. I will always have some haters, and that is a good sign. Yes, it is. It means that who I am is making some people uncomfortable. It is reflecting them their mediocrity. It is reflecting them their lack of questioning. Living my life in a way that I will avoid being disliked by anyone will lead me to become meaningless, impactless, and powerless. I do not want to dim my light, I want to shine bright, and if some people cannot bear it, they can look the other way. Others’ opinion about me is their problem, not mine. And this is the most important thing I understood. What people think about me is not about me, it is about them. In fact, they are not talking about me, they are talking only about what they perceive of me. And what they perceive of me is filtered by their belief system, their past experiences, their opinions, and their values about life. What they perceive of me is not me, It is them.


There’s only one me, If I’m not being me, who will? If not me, who? If not now, when? — Emma Watson,ONU


PS: I’m sharing my life experience with you in the hope that It will add value to your life and inspire you to grow. You can subscribe to my mailing list to receive more content. Quotations and claims are derived from my experience unless specified otherwise. My views and opinions on topics are not intended to replace yours but are offered to broaden your perspective of life. I can help you to get away from your addictions to a life of freedom.

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