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  • Julien Demaret

Why Am I So Demanding With Myself and Others?

I’m tired of being myself sometimes

Photo by Eduardo Flores on Unsplash It’s a fact. I’m very demanding with myself. I am very rigid. I do not allow much space for useless actions or unjustified activities. When I say this I mean I do not indulge in things that do not serve a higher purpose or are not goal oriented. I mainly act to strive toward the life I want to live, the person I want to be, and what I want to bring in this world. Everything I do in my day is deeply thought about and I try to do it from a place of consciousness. Why am I like this? I’m tired of being myself sometimes, being demanding and rigid with myself is something, but I tend to be like this with others too, especially the one I love. I guess the more I love someone, the more I am demanding of them. Because when I love somebody, the distance between me and this person becomes more and more narrow, and it seems like we are merging to a point where I do not distinguish anymore who is me and who is not. So I behave with the ones I love the same way I do with myself. Why do I act like this? I probably think that being demanding and challenging myself is the best way to live. I see two explanations for this.

The Injustice wound by Lise Bourbeau In her book “the 5 wounds that prevent you from being yourself”- Lise Bourbeau is describing several wounds that we develop in our childhood and the masks that we wear to protect us from feeling those wounds. She also explains that those masks are making us inflict onto others the very wound that we are trying to escape from. I recognized myself as mainly affected by Injustice. As a result, I wear the rigid mask and I want to be perfect. I have the belief that being perfect will prevent me from feeling injustice. If I have a perfect body, mind, speech, actions, and everything… people will not be able to attack me on my weaknesses, and I will not be wounded. To be perfect I adopt a disciplined lifestyle to develop my body, my brain, my willpower, my ambition, my wealth… This is one significant explanation of my demanding behavior towards myself and also towards others. I’m protecting myself from Injstice. In the process, I am unwillingly being unfair to the people surrounding me, as explained in the book that I deeply recommend you to read. Nowadays I begin to see clearly through this behavior when I am doing it. I am tired of myself sometimes, always trying to “improve” others. It’s coming from a good intention for me because I want to make them perfect so that they don’t suffer injustice too. But who the f*ck am I to say what is perfection and what is not? Who am I to tell others what they should do or not do? Who Am I to apply to others my wounds and my views on life? Is it making me so happy and so fulfilled that I believe everyone should benefit from it? Well no. Because sometimes I wish I could relax a bit and allow myself to not exercise for some days, eat some treats or breakfast in the morning like “normal” people. Sometimes I wish I could stop thinking too much about everything I do and just relax in the easiness of life. But I can’t. I’m extreme. I do things 100% or 0%, there is no 50% with me. Somedays I feel like I would love to know how to find the middle. And some days I just feel like the middle is not for me, and my extremeness is allowing me to live an extraordinary life. After all, who has ever achieved something extraordinary from being ordinary? Can you have a balanced life in every way and achieve great things? I would love to hear your opinion. The comfort zone Now, this is the second reason why I am very demanding and challenging to myself. Simply because before I was not. I was alcoholic, lazy, depressed, ambitionless, driveless, and purposeless. I was staying in my comfort zone of escaping a life I couldn't bear by overindulging in alcohol as often as I could, and I thought I was doomed to do this until the end of my depressing life. My comfort zone was killing me, as it might be killing you. Have you ever seen something alive in nature that simply stays the way it is? Like a tree deciding that it is going to stop growing because it is satisfied with its height? Such things don’t exist in nature. Either you are growing or you are dying. I then understood how magnificent life was when I was daring to step into the unknown. It helped me heal and recover from my addictions, It gave me a purpose and brought meaning to my life. But stepping into the unknown as often as possible requires some life conditions, it needs freedom and discipline. Only when you are free, you can do what you want with your time, and you can explore the unknown. And those conditions for freedom require one to be demanding with oneself, to challenge oneself every day. That is why I am the way I am. I want to grow. We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.” — Jim Rohn I have chosen mine, the pain of discipline. I want to step outside my comfort zone every day into the unknown, because it helped me become a new man, and it helped me to be at peace with my troubled past. It also allows me to live an “extra-ordinary” life. And that’s why I am demanding with the people I love too. Because I tend to think that what has helped me can help them too. The problem is I tend to forget that to give answers to people, they need to ask questions first. Otherwise, they will not listen. Final words to you all and to the people I love I know I am demanding and challenging with you. Please understand It is my way to show you love and consideration. Softness and relaxation are not my way. My way is challenge and growth so that we can explore new possibilities in life. On my side, I will keep in mind that I am not in possession of any ultimate truth and I will let you do your life the way you want to live it, because of course I am not the one to decide if you want to challenge yourself or not. I will not push you out of your comfort if you are happy and fulfilled in it. At least, I will try my best not to. Maybe you are the ones who understood it all. I am just too hard on myself. And for sure I need to learn to be gentle. Please teach me to be gentle, and I’ll teach you to challenge yourself. That way, we’ll make a perfect balance together. I guess what I need to be more balanced is acceptation. While I am striving to be perfect, I need to accept I am not. And it’s okay.

 

PS: I’m sharing my life experience with you in the hope that It will add value to your life and inspire you to grow. You can subscribe to my mailing list to receive more content. Quotations and claims are derived from my experience unless specified otherwise. My views and opinions on topics are not intended to replace yours but are offered to broaden your perspective of life. I can help you to get away from your addictions to a life of freedom.


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